Sunday, March 07, 2004

Purim was fun. Megilla reading at egal is always just crazy enough without compromising people's ability to actually hear the megilla. DH and I dressed as each other, which was a little weird (I never thought I'd have to see my husband in drag), but at least the costumes were free.

This afternoon we hosted a Purim Seuda (holiday meal), which was dairy, enabling us to serve the Annual Outrage: single-malt scotch floats. (This year we used Glenmorangie and three flavors of ice cream.) There were more guests than we'd expected, and the food disappeared very quickly. But it was fun.

DH decided that he didn't like the Ohr Someyach Purim Kiddush, so he composed his own. This blessing is recited over both wine and scotch. A sip of wine is taken at each mention of the word "wine," and a sip of scotch is taken at each mention of the word "liquor." (God's name is, of course, used only in the two "real" blessings.)

הריני מזמן את פי לקיים מצוות עשה שנאמר על ידי חכמינו זכרונם לברכה: "מייחיב איניש לבסומי בפוריא עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי" (מגילה ז:).

כוס ישועות אשא ובשם ה' אקרא.
סברי! (לחיים!)

ברוך אתה ה' א-לקינו מלך העולם בורא פרי הגפן.
ברוך אתה ה' א-לקינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו.

ברוך אתה ה' א-לקינו מלך העולם אשר קדשנו במצוותיו ורצה שנהיה שיכורים כאבותינו ככתוב בתורתיך: "ויחל נח איש האדמה ויטע כרם. וישת מן היין וישכר" (בראשית ט:כ). ונאמר: "וירא א-לקים כי טוב" (בראשית א:י).

א-לקינו וא-לקי אבותינו רצה בשיכורנו, קדשינו במצוותיך ותן חלקינו בתורתיך כאמור: "ואתם תהיו לי ממלכת כהנים וגוי קדוש" (שמות יט:ו), כמו שכתוב: "כהן ונביא שגו בשכר נבלעו מן היין, תעו מן השכר, שגו בראה" (ישעיהו כח:ז).

שמחינו בישועתיך ככתוב: "אקחה יין ונסבאה שכר והיה כזה יום מחר גדול יתר מאד" (ישעיהו נו:יב).

טהר לבנו לרדף אחרי מצוותיך כאמור: "משכימי בבקר שכר ירדפו" (ישעיהו ה:יא).

תן יין ושכר לכלם ככתוב: "תנו שכר לאובד ויין למרי נפש. ישתה וישכח רישו ועמלו לא יזכר עוד" (משלי לא:ז).

זכינו לאכול ולשתות עם דוד עבדיך כאמור: "ויקרא לו דוד, ויאכל לפניו וישת וישכרהו" (שמואל ב' יא:יג).

ותתן לנו ה' א-לקינו באהבה את חג הפורים הזה, זמן שמחתינו מקרא קודש זכר לארור מרדכי וברוך המן. כי בנו בחרת ואותנו השקית מכל העמים. ופורים קדשך באורה ושמחה וששון ויקר הנחלתנו.

ברוך אתה ה' מקדש ישראל וסקוטלנד

Loose Translation:

I hereby prepare my mouth to fulfill the positive commandment that was issued by our sages, may their memory be blessed: "One is required to become so drunk on Purim that one is unable to distinguish between accursed-be-Haman and blessed-be-Mordecai" (B. Megilla 7:2).

I raise the cup of salvation and call out in the name of the Lord.
Hear! [Response: "L'chayim!"]

[Blessing over wine:] Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, Who creates the fruit of the vine.
[Blessing over scotch:] Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, at Whose word all things come into being.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, Who sanctified us with Your commandments, and desired that we become drunk as our ancestors did, as written in Your Torah:
"Noah, tiller of the soil, was the first to plant a vineyard. He drank of the wine and became drunk" (Gen. 9:20). And it is written: "The Lord saw that it was good" (Gen. 1:10).

Our God and God of our ancestors, take pleasure in our drunkenness, sanctify us with Your commandments and grant us lots in Your Torah, as written:
"You shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation" (Ex. 19:6), as written: "Priest and prophet are muddled by liquor, confused by wine, dazed by liquor; their visions are muddled" (Isa. 28:7).

Cause us to rejoice in your salvation, as written: "I will take wine, and we will satiate ourselves with liquor, and tomorrow will be like today, only much better" (Isa. 56:12).

Purify our hearts to pursue your commandments, as written: "Those who rise early in the morning pursue liquor" (Isa. 5:11).

Grant wine and liquor to everyone, as written: "Grant liquor to the unfortunate and wine to the embittered. Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their troubles no more" (Prov. 31:7).

Help us merit to eat and drink with David, your servant, as written: "And David called for him, and he ate before him and drank, and he made him drunk" (2 Sam. 11:13).

You, Lord our God, have with love granted us this festival of Purim, time of our rejoicing, as a reminder of "accursed-be-Mordecai and blessed-be-Haman." For You have chosen us and given us more to drink than any other nation, and You have allotted us this holy Purim day in light, joy, gladness, and honor (Est. 8:16).

Blessed are You, Lord, who sanctifies Israel and Scotland.

I hope that Naomi Chana will forgive all the paranthetical citations. Happy Shushan Purim!