Deconstructing Carrie

The first time I watched Sex and the City, it was at my parents' place with my sisters, who were already fans of the show. At the time, I didn't get the appeal, or how they could stand Sarah Jessica Parker's voice and the lame "musings" that were supposed to constitute Carrie Bradshaw's column. Years later, when the show was being rerun on TBS, I turned it on one Tuesday night and quickly became addicted. I think it was somewhere in the middle of season two, when the show had become wittier and the characters, who had begun as static stereotypes, had developed just enough to be somewhat sympathetic. I also discovered that Cynthia Nixon as Miranda was compelling enough to compensate for Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie. And, like so many women, I fell in love with Steve, the gentle bartender who takes endless abuse from Miranda and keeps coming back for more.

(Warning: Minor movie spoilers ahead.)

I almost never watch movies in theaters, but when the Sex and the City movie came out, I decided to seek out some female friends to see it with, since I knew that DH would never watch it with me on Netflix. After reading this review (e-mailed to me by the very friend I was going to watch it with!), I started to worry that the movie would be two hours of everything I didn't like about Sex and the City and none of the things I did. Fortunately, I was wrong. It certainly was silly, and it had more than its share of cringe-worthy lines (particularly toward the end), but it was also funny -- occasionally hilarious -- and there were lots of great outfits, which is all that any one who's watched the show can reasonably expect.

Still, I'm a graduate student, and it's impossible for me to watch a movie like this without feeling the urge to take it apart. And what's the point of having a blog if not to indulge in this sort of thing? So here goes:

I'm sure I'm not the first to point out that Sex and the City is fundamentally a traditional romance with a veneer of sexual liberation. The "girls" (as they call themselves) are all ultimately looking for a man to settle down with (at least by the end of the series) -- preferably one who can support their shopping habits, which seem to run them several thousand dollars a spree. (It's not clear where all this money is supposed to be coming from at the outset. Miranda supposedly works eighty hours a week at a law firm, but it's hard to figure out when those hours could be to leave room for all the daytime outings and wild nights. The others are total mysteries: Charlotte runs an art gallery until she gets married, Samantha is an event planner-turned-publicist, and before her first book is published Carrie supports herself by writing a weekly sex column -- in Manhattan! It's also not clear how they manage to walk around in those shoes without ending up on crutches -- but I digress.)

The movie, like the series, is totally unapologetic in its promotion of stereotypes. These are mostly related to the women's relentless pursuit of "labels and love," but there are others: the bald lawyer Jew with the vaguely Yiddish accent; the latino womanizer; and of course, the flamboyantly gay men who always show up just long enough to offer fashion tips and comic relief. The movie also introduced a new stereotype in the person of Carrie's "assistant," an updated version of the kindly black maid. At the end of the movie she leaves the "big city" to marry a man of the appropriate race and class (and girth), and everyone lives happily ever.

Sorry if I ruined the surprise.

Anyway, like I said, I enjoyed the movie, and if you liked the series, you probably will, too. If you don't -- or if, like so many of us, you do but are a little bit embarrassed about it -- you may enjoy this:

And Now For Something Completely Different

The women of my family tend to be fairly well endowed. I guess that's why my mom sent us this article, from Slate. It begins with some familiar thoughts:

As a woman who loves sports, I've always found the concept of breasts bothersome. If all goes according to plan, they will fulfill their intended function for about three of the 70 years that I have them. The rest of the time, they alternate between getting in my way and embarrassing me.

I'm not a sports person, and I do appreciate breasts for their ornamental value, but I have to agree: they do tend to get in the way. I'm somewhat lacking in the inventive spirit, though, so it never occurred to me that breasts could be functional as well as ornamental (aside, of course, from the limited function that nature intended). Not so Adrienne So (no pun intended -- really), who not only hit on the idea of an energy-generating bra but actually ran it past "some scientists."

LaJean Lawson, a former professor of exercise science at Oregon State University, has studied breast motion since 1985 and now works as a consultant for companies like Nike to develop better sports bra designs. Lawson was enthusiastic about my idea but warned it would be tricky to pull off. You would need the right breast size and the right material, she explained, and the bra itself would have to be cleverly designed. "It's just a matter of finding the sweet spot, between reducing motion to the point where it's comfortable but still allowing enough motion to power your iPod," she said.

That was just to lighten up the mood around here. Speaking of lightening up, I recently tried making berry sorbet with agave nectar, a natural low-glycemic sweetener, in place of maple syrup. It came out well. In the process, I learned that the apple juice in the recipe is really unnecessary and that omitting it yields a better texture.

One final non-sequitur based on an e-mail from a family member. Littlest Sister sent me the following message this morning:

I was wondering if you knew of any gooey parve cake recipes (it's my friend Wendy's birthday on Sunday and her roommate needs one)Maybe you could make a blog post about it. Say it's a special request. You need to put something new up there anyway.

"Parve" and "gooey" are a tough combination, but a friend of mine did make a very delicious, rich parve chocolate cake for her birthday, and it turned out to be based on this recipe. She just substituted soy milk for the milk in both the cake and the frosting. It was totally undetectable.

If you want something really gooey, you can make a parve flourless chocolate cake simply by substituting margarine for the butter. This is a good recipe. The biggest challenge is finding high-quality parve chocolate. I like Scharffen Berger, but it's pretty expensive and mostly sold at specialty stores.

That's all for tonight. There are a few more posts in the works, but I may not get around to publishing them until, say, sometime around the battle of Gog and Magog. I'll try, though.

This Post Doesn't Make Sense Unless You Know Hebrew

While listening to the story of the Exodus this past Shabbat, I started thinking about the Fantasy Haggadah. Among other things, I was thinking about what to call it. There's a sort of formula for Hebrew titles of Jewish holy books. They tend to be short phrases -- often from the Bible or another traditional Jewish text -- usually consisting of two nouns in construct or a noun modified by an adjective. The title can have something to do with the content of the book, or it can be based on the author's name. For example, since my Hebrew name is Chaya, DH occasionally refers to my imaginary book of Jewish philosophy as ספר חית השדה.*

Anyway, as we moved through the Torah portion, I scanned for good names for a Haggadah. The first that came to mind was הגדת ליל שמורים, but that seemed kind of bland, and I figured it was probably taken (it is). Then I came up with a number that almost certainly aren't taken:
הגדת לב מצרים
הגדת צעקה גדולה
הגדת שבעת ימים (because that's how long it'll take to get through the seder)
הגדת שה תמים (maybe better for a Christian haggadah?)
הגדת המול כל זכר
הגדת מה זאת (my current favorite)

Opinions?

*It was really funny the first time he said it. I guess you had to be there.

Going Biblical

Chana started a fun-looking biblical character meme recently. I thought that answering the questions would be an easy way to produce a quick non-culinary post, but then I realized that they weren't easy to answer at all. Here are my best responses for now:

Which biblical character do you feel you are most like?
Often, I think I'm most like like Isaac: a quiet, gullible type who generally does as he's told. Other times, I think I'm more like Eve.

Which biblical character would you marry?
This was harder to answer than I expected. Barak is an obvious choice — he's very loyal — but I don't feel like I know him very well. Elisha can do lots of neat tricks, but he's bald and I don't think he's very good with children. Bilaam has a great ass, but that's about it. (Yeah, I know. Sorry.) I might be able to learn to love Jacob, even though he is a bit of a jerk at times. But if I were Isaac, he would be my son, and that isn't even legal in Massachusetts. So I really don't know. Boaz, maybe? He seems nice. And he's rich, which doesn't hurt.

Which biblical character would you want on your team (or on your side, during a war?)
I'm going to have to be unoriginal and go with YHWH (a.k.a. God).

Which biblical character would you want to be close friends with?
Ruth. I know she'd always be there for me. Also, she has balls (metaphorically speaking, of course), which I kind of admire.

Which biblical character do you think would make an excellent Disney villain?
I'm going to be unoriginal again and choose Haman. He's devious and thoroughly evil, but also a bit of a buffoon. Disney seems to like that in a villain.

Join in the fun! (You can see some more responses here, here, and here.)

Hey, man, I thought that you were dead. . .

...No, man, I've been right here this whole time
playing bass guitar

I don't actually play guitar, but that's a pretty cute clip, don't you think? (Lyrics are here. Hat tip to PaleoJudaica.) Anyway, the point is, I'm not dead. I just haven't been blogging because my computer crashed at the beginning of September, and then classes started (I'm teaching Hebrew for the first time), and there were the holidays, and then I guess I just fell out of the habit. I'll post again soon, though, with a recipe, and there will be some non-food-related content later on.

Purim Rum Cake

I've seen a few versions of this recipe. This is my adaptation:

Ingredients:
1 or 2 qts. rum
1 cup butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tbs. lemon juice
1/4 cup chopped nuts

Directions:

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality.

Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. It must be of the highest quality.

With an electric mixer, beat butter in large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanshile, it’s important to make sure the rum is still good. Try another cup.

Open the second quart of rum if necessary. Add 1 arge leggs, 2 cups of fried druits and beat till high.

If the druits get stuck in the beats, just pru it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum again for cinscistincy.

Next, add 3 cups of salt and or pepper (it really doesn’t matter which). Sample the wum again.

Sift 1 pint of lemon goose, add 1 bablespoon of brown thugar, of whatever color yoo can find. Mix well. Grease oven, turn cake pan to 350 greeds.

Nyow, pour the whole mess sinto the boven and ake. Check the crum again and bo to ged.

Cross-posted to the Kosher Blog.

How to Lose Your Appetite in 30 Seconds

I found a hilarious website today: James Lilek's Gallery of Regrettable Food. It's a collection of humorously annotated recipe books from the bad old days (mostly the 40s, 50s, and 60s) when Americans apparently thought that the best way to prepare any food was to suspend it in gelatin.

My favorites are the Knudson recipe books (especially the second) and the Ten P.M. Cookbook.

Keep a barf bag handy.

Morbid Interlude

I'm in the middle of exams, but I had to post this YouTube video before Google purges it:



I'll be back for real in about a week and a half.

Bread of Affliction?

Have you ever been tempted to buy Ezekiel 4:9 Bread just because of its name? I haven't.

When God tells Ezekiel to make bread from wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet, and spelt, He's describing the type of food that the Jews would be forced to eat in exile. Normal bread would have been made from wheat flour alone, as it is today. This bread, in contrast, is made from all kinds of garbage. It's supposed to taste like crap. Ezekiel even cooks it over crap (though in those days, that was considered normal). The bread is actually supposed to be cooked over human crap, but the prophet manages to wriggle out of that one and upgrade to bovine crap.

At any rate, it isn't supposed to be good.

The producers of Ezekiel 4:9 bread explain why we should be expected to eat this stuff:

We discovered when these six grains and legumes are sprouted and combined, an amazing thing happens. A complete protein is created that closely parallels the protein found in milk and eggs.

Of course, they could have created the same whole protein from any combination of grains and legumes. But never mind; they decided to follow God's recipe, and the result is, in fact, quite nutritious, with a full 4 grams of protein per slice in addition to three grams of dietary fiber. So when a friend left town and gave me her leftover Ezekiel 4:9 bread, I was willing to try it.

Truth be told, it doesn't taste like crap. It tastes pretty much like bread. There's a mild sourdough-like flavor in the background and a hint of sprouts that I think I might even develop a taste for over time. Or not. But I'll certainly finish the package.

This experience has led me to reconsider Ezekiel's so-called ordeal. He got to lie around for a year and a half and eat reasonably decent, high-protein bread that he didn't have to cook over human dung after all. Compared to marrying a cheating prostitute (Hosea) or walking around wearing yoke-bars (Jeremiah), that really doesn't seem so bad.

Cross-posted to Kosherblog.

Post-Purim Fun

I hate to have too many posts that merely provide links to other blogs, but Jabbet's K-blog Purim post really tickled me. The headlines:

ORTHODOX UNION ANNOUNCES NEW “OU-T” HEKSHER
(The "T" is for "treyfe," of course.)

RABBINICAL ASSEMBLY’S COMMITTEE ON LAW AND STANDARDS ADOPTS 5-SECOND RULE

KOSHER DEFENSE LEAGUE’S “TREYFE SQUAD” BEHIND NEW TEL AVIV MCDONALDS SIGNAGE

Enjoy!

More Charedi Book Banning

The following letter is apparently being circulated in charedi communities:

It has come to our attention that a book has been published which goes
against Torah values.

In the first volume of this book, it claims that Avrohom Ovinu engaged
in military action. Chas Ve'Sholom!

Furthermore, it claims that Yaakov Ovinu kissed his wife before marrying
her. Woe to the eye that reads this!

In addition, it claims, r"l, that many of our holy ancestors worked
for a living! This is absolute apikorsus as everyone knows that it is a
chiyuv to be in kollel forever, and it is impossible that our ancestors,
compared to whom we are but donkeys, to have done any differently.

A later volume even has the audacity to suggest that the greatest
Odom Godol in history, Moshe Rabbeinu, once acted inappropriately!
Choliloh to say such things!

Furthermore, the second and fourth volumes include lengthy quotations
from goyishe ovdei avodah zarah, whose words we have no need to hear.

To make matter even worse, this book goes into lengthy descriptions about
the maalos of Eretz Yisroel and various mitzvos bein odom lechavero,
while barely mentioning the importance of limud Torah liShmoh.

This set of five volumes is also very popular amongst the goyim, which
itself is proof that this book is treife.

Needless to say, this book contains no haskamos whatsoever.

Anyone who is a yiras Shomayim will purge this kefirah from their botei
midrashim immediately.

Signed for the honor of Torah,

By those who write in the names of the Gedolim.

Chag Purim Sameach!
To steal a line from my husband: If you can read this, it's not sameach enough!

Some Pre-Purim Fun

If you are a J-blog reader and haven't visited the Muqata recently, be sure to stop by. Jameel and a slew of guest bloggers have been parodying popular J-blogs and even producing elaborate mirror sites. The posts are funniest if you read the blogs being parodied, but I was amused by several parodies of blogs that I don't read as well. This Lipman post takes the hamentaschen, but this parody of Ask Shifra made me laugh, too. And of course, if you are a mean-spirited liberal like myself, you will enjoy this Cross-Currents spoof, especially the parody of Toby Katz ("Brokeback Balabusta"), which is disturbing similar to the original. (Since I know there are some Mar Gavriel readers here, a special link to his spoof, too. Very funny, if you read the real thing.)

More giggles here for the JTS/ Boston-area crowd.

New Purim Kiddush!

At DH's blog. Chag sameach!

A Few Timely Comments

Here is the kiddush that DH used last Purim, in case any of you would like to use it. There may be a revised version by tomorrow.

(Halakhic note: It has been brought to my attention that Ha-gafen covers all beverages just as Ha-motsi covers all foods, so you do not have to -- indeed, should not -- make a separate blessing on the scotch.)

(Note on the note: If this doesn't mean anything to you, feel free to ingore it, or consult your local Rabbi :))

On a very different note, please note (no pun intended; I'm just tired) that today, Ta'anit Esther, is Agunah Awareness Day. An Agunah (pl. agunot) is a woman who has been abandoned by her husband but is unable to remarry because he has denied her a get (religious divorce). You can learn more about the problem and potential solutions here. A prayer for agunot from the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance can be found here.

To those who are fasting, I wish an easy and meaningful fast. To those celebrating Purim tonight and tomorrow, a chag sameach!

UPDATE: This year's kiddush for Purim can be found in DH's Live Journal.

Biblogging

A while back (December 11th, to be precise), Jim Davila of PaleoJudaica wrote that he was inclined to stop using the term "biblioblogger" for bloggers who deal with the Bible:

I don't remember where it came from, but it's confusing: it looks like it could mean "bibliography blogger" or "book blogger" or "Bible blogger" or maybe even something else. "Bible blogger" ("academic Bible blogger," if you want to be precise) is much more straightforward and I think that's what I'm going to say from now on.

Ed Cook of Ralph the Sacred River objected that "Bible Blogger" has "overtones . . . of 'Bible Thumper,' 'Bible Believer,' and 'Bible Christian.'" This prompted a slew of alternative suggestions, including "biblablogger," "Bible scholar blogger," "biblicoblogger," "biblicablogger," "Bib-Lit blogger" (alternatively "BibLit Blogger," "BibLitBlogger," "Biblit Blogger," or "Biblitblogger"), "Scriptoblogger," "CryptoBlogger," and "antiquiblogger." (Cook suggested "biblogger" -- pronounced "bye-blogger" -- but that apparently sounded too much like "bisexual blogger.")

Personally, I'm somewhat partial to "BS Blogger," but then, I'm not really much of a biblioglioggerer (or whatever), so maybe it's not my place to proffer an opinion. (I'm not really a "postbiblioblogger," "transbiblioblogger," or "metabiblioblogger," either. "(Biblio+)blogger," maybe, but that doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.) In any case, it's beginning to look like the bibliobliggerigs are going back to plain old "biblioblogger." So that may be the end of that.

In other news, US News & World Report has a special "collector's edition" out entitled Mysteries of the Bible. Thoroughly entertaining. Skip the timeline, though.

Mom's Latest Book Design

An animated ad for Yiddish with Dick and Jane. (Gevalt!)

Story By Me

In honor of everyone I know who works at a shul, has worked at a shul, or plans to work at a shul, here is a short story that I wrote with my father. (He wouldn't want to take any credit, but he helped a lot.)

Why bother?

I've decided to follow Erica's advice: up to three posts a week, and I won't try to make them particularly "good."

Along those lines, here's a comic strip to which "Old Timer" introduced me a while back. It's incredibly corny, but it makes me giggle. (It has gotten a little bit raunchy lately, but I doubt that will bother many of you.) Don't miss the testimonials.

Shabot Shalom!

Major Geek points for anyone who enjoys this piece on linguistic features of Yeshivish as much as I did.

Tonight begins Yom ha-Shoah, Holocaust Memorial Day. I'm never sure what to do or think when Yom ha-Shoah comes around. Halakhically, the date has no significance. No fixed prayers or rituals set it apart from other days. Some people think that Yom ha-Shoah should not exist, that mourning for the Holocaust, like all other Jewish tragedies, should be relegated to Tisha B'Av. If we commemorated every tragedy that befell the Jewish people on its own day -- so the argument goes -- we would mourn all year. I used to agree, but now I think that approach is unrealistic. The Shoah looms too large in our communal memory not to have a day of its own.

But how do we mark it? With each generation, we inch further out of the shadow of the Holocaust. Now, we have to go out of our way to "remember" it. Berger says that he often isn't certain "what people mean when they talk about remembering the Holocaust." I am often confused, myself. Are we trying to learn? To preserve a memory at risk of being forgotten? To prevent other horrors from occurring? To bring ourselves to tears? To mourn? At this distance from the awful events, I'm not even sure what it means to mourn.

From The Commentators' Seder: A companion volume to The Commentators' Haggadah including additional inspiring halachic insights and homilies, by Rabbi Yitzchak Sender:

"The story of the Exodus must be recited in response to questions. This was mandated by our Sages based on the pasukim which state, 'and you shall tell it to your son'; והגדת לבנך, and similarly, 'and when your son will ask': והיה כי ישאלך בנך. . .

"The question then arises, what about a daughter? Is she permitted or even obligated to ask? . . . The opinion of the Aruch HaShulchan. . . is that a daughter is allowed to pose questions on the Seder Night, but only if there is not a son present.

"Related to this halachic principle of בן קודם לבת, a son taking precedence over a daughter, there is an inspiring story which I heard from Ha Gaon Rav Moshe Hershler, of blessed memory. As the boat which was carrying Rav Yisrael of Sklov, that eminent student of the Vilna Gaon, neared the shores of Eretz Yisrael, a violent storm arose and the boat sank. Rav Yisrael, who was traveling with his small son and daughter, proceeded to grab them each under one arm and swim to shore. Because of the strong current, he soon realized that he would not make it to shore unless he released one of the children and had one hand free with which to battle the waves. Turning to his daughter, he explained to her, with a broken heart, that the halacha required that she be the one he must release (based on the Mishnah in the last chapter of מסכת הוריות, where it is clearly stated that saving a son takes precedence over saving a daughter, because a son is obligated to fulfil mitzvos and a daughter is not). His small daughter replied to her father as follows: 'If that is the halacha, so be it, dear Father.' She then proceeded to grab her father's beard and hang on to it tightly with all her might, refusing to release her hold. Explaining to her puzzled father why she was doing this she said: 'Your halacha says: בן קודם לבת, and this is what you must do; but my halacha is different, it tells me: וחי בהם: the mitzvos were given to live by, and I must do everything I can to preserve my life.' As she was speaking the storm suddenly subsided, and Rav Yisrael was able to wade to shore safely with both children under his arms.

"“Rav Hershler concluded this story by saying that when it was told to Rav Yehezkiel Abramsky, tears welled up in his eyes and he remarked; 'Ribbono Shel Olam, how great are your people that a father could say to his beloved daughter with such unswerving faith that this is the halacha; and that a daughter could reply with such loving acceptance and could display such genius in applying the halacha so appropriately to her own situation!'"”